


Prince Simulator

by yeaka



Series: The Chocobro Show [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XV, Goat Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-28 23:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21400429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: Regis and Clarus check what Noctis does in his spare time.
Series: The Chocobro Show [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538524
Comments: 26
Kudos: 113





	Prince Simulator

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy XV, Goat Simulator, or any of their contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

The technician leaves the room, bowing respectfully, promising that it’s all connected and fully private. No one will ever know that this has happened save for the three of them—that technician, Regis, and Clarus. No on will see the screen except Regis and Clarus. Regis should probably have Clarus leave, because it’s a serious enough brief of privacy when it’s only him, but he’s not sure he has the strength to handle it alone. He doesn’t even want to go through with it. But Clarus lays a steadying hand on his shoulder and reminds him, “In today’s day and age, this is necessary. The prince is a young man who has made... questionable... choices in the past. Just as we control what press we’re given, we have to have some assurances of his online profile.”

Regis sighs and nods. He knows it’s true. He truly believes that Noctis will grow into a responsible king, but in the meantime, he’s as willful and difficult as Regis was at his age. The difference is that Noctis has unlimited access to the internet. When it becomes clear that Regis isn’t going to take his seat again, instead standing just to the side of it, staring at his blank computer, Clarus moves into the chair. He asks, “Ready, Your Majesty?”

Regis will never be ready. But he’s faced harder decisions before. He steels himself over, prepared to see some sort of disgusting pornography or childish ravings or whatever it is Noctis does with his spare time. They’ve established a link to his computer, and it’s a Sunday evening, so he’ll mostly likely be online. Whatever’s happening on his screen, they’ll see on theirs. Regis sucks in a breath and nods. 

Clarus taps the connection on. The screen flares to life, splitting into four different sections of what can only be described as utter chaos. 

Regis blinks and tilts his head, hoping that will help make sense of the absurd imagery. Clarus leans forward, squinting, and asks, “Are those... _goats_?”

If they are, they’re some boneless, alien hybrid. One even seems to be dragging a lifeless corpse along by a rope-length tongue. To Regis’ shock, Ignis Scientia’s smooth voice cuts in: _“I believe I’ve found a school. We should explore it.”_ In the top right corner, one of the goats has stopped patiently in front of a set of closed glass doors. 

The other three are flailing about like possessed plastic bags. Gladiolus Amicitia answers, _“No way, I’m trying to find the anti-gravity facility—that was where we got the most points!”_ Clarus visibly stiffens.

_“Who cares about points?”_ Noctis snorts. _“I wanna see what that red glowy thing is...”_ The top and bottom left screens both show a red haze in the distance that the goats seem to be headed for. Then the one on the bottom gets hit by a truck, and a new voice groans. It isn’t until it speaks properly that Regis can place it.

Prompto Argentum, Noctis’ high school friend, cries, _“Wait up, I wanna see it too!”_

The top left goat reaches the red distortion. It trots through it to a glowing pentagram drawn on the ground, and then Noctis is excitedly calling, _“Guys, I found Satan!”_

If Regis could move, he would be dropping his head into his hands. But he’s too paralyzed to move. He continues staring, dazed and helpless, as a second goat rams into the one that must be Noctis’. 

_“What does it do?”_ Gladiolus asks.

_“I dunno,”_ Noctis answers, trying to turn around while a second goat spasms violently on his screen. _“Prom, cut it out! I think it needs sacrifices...”_

_“I’ll bring some people!”_ Prompto promises.

Ignis sighs, _“Leave the people alone.”_

Noctis says practically right over top of him, _“Grab the penis fruit protestors!”_

Clarus’ eyes come unglued from the computer. He glances over his shoulder at Regis, who has no answers. Clearly, somewhere along the line, he failed horribly as a parent. He’s made several mistakes over the years, but he can’t imagine which of them could have possibly led to this madness. At least he’s not alone. Evidently, Clarus had the same failings. 

Gladiolus chimes, _“Got that chick at the party who was just standing there.”_

Prompto laughs, _“I’ve got somebody too. Man, I just dragged this dude right off and the other NPCs didn’t even notice!”_

Noctis laughs too. Regis watches, horrified, as the group gathers five corpses onto the pentagram. Then the bodies lift off the ground, fusing together in some hideous ball of human flesh, and suddenly, Noctis’ goat is transforming. He chants, _“Fuck yeah! Guys, I’m becoming Satan!”_ His avatar becomes jet-black, horns twisting out demonically, eyes glowing red. Prompto’s cheering, while Gladiolus is pushing for his turn. Even Ignis hums a note of interest.

The link suddenly cuts off. Clarus has terminated it. He swivels the chair around and looks up at Regis. 

For a long moment, they just look at one another, completely at a loss for words. Then Regis sighs and admits, “I suppose it could have been worse.”

Clarus nods. He has a haunted look that Regis completely sympathizes with. 

They share a mutual sigh and return to their lives, privately vowing to never do that again.


End file.
